


그냥 (just)

by tvxq



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M, boys in cars and boys in love, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6513847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvxq/pseuds/tvxq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>something along the lines of 'i love you - take me to the beach at 2am' and kibum can't exactly say no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	그냥 (just)

**Author's Note:**

> • set probably pre base era. after everybody, somewhere within their hiatus-like break   
>  • non au

“hey. are you awake?”

he’s not, but kibum stirs anyway. the bed in the first dorm room is his least favourite. whoever goes out the most usually takes it for themselves, to minimise the noise that comes from getting ready to bar hop in mapo-gu and the aftermath that comes with it. they’re not exactly kids anymore. months ago, as punishment, manager-hyung moved the stiffest bed into the room.

kibum finds himself in it more nights then not, and his spine is beginning to disagree. when he shifts in affirmation, his foot hits something solid and he doesn’t remember falling asleep in the same bed as jonghyun, but the other boy turns up from time to time.

“can we go for a drive?” jonghyun whispers. he’s laid out flat on his back on top of the covers at the end of the bed, limbs limp on either side, just hanging off the edge.

it doesn’t happen often; mainly in the snow. kibum finds it hard to feel fondness toward winter, but it comes anyway. every year, like an unwanted guest on the morning of chuseok.

“it’s 2:30 in the morning.” kibum replies. he’s not nearly as awake as jonghyun right now; he can barely get words out, but he’s got sense enough to lower his voice. manager-hyung is in the room beside them, second closest to the door.

he doesn’t appreciate jonghyun’s late night visits to namsan tower nearly as much as kibum, but kibum pretends to hate it all the same. pretends jonghyun waking _him_ up to go places is irritating, pretends the way jonghyun treats it like it’s _their_ little secret is a soft inconvenience.

jonghyun remains silent on the other side of the room. _you should go back to sleep_ , kibum wants to whisper.

“where d’you want to go?” he says, instead, trying not to let his voice catch. even tone, even words. kibum feels the tug of jonghyun’s will dragging him toward saying yes. it’s not like saying no is an option anymore; which is ridiculous to admit but liberating too, that kibum’s beginning to come to terms with this stupid ditzy feeling in the bottom of his chest when he thinks about jonghyun, his best friend.

jonghyun’s joy is almost palpable in the air - kibum’s close enough to feel his smile stretching from one half of his face to the other. he doesn’t even have to look at jonghyun to know what he’s thinking anymore. he looks up at the ceiling of their dorm room, eyes glancing about the edges of the skylight and the way he can see the darkness dance on the glass. he thinks about jonghyun, and all the night he’s spent staring up at the ceiling while the rest of the world falls asleep. seoul is lonely at night.

“the beach. I want to go to the beach and…just watch the sunrise.” he’s kinda half rambling. kibum isn’t really sure if it’s just jonghyun talking or the insomnia talking for him.

it’s a reasonable request - the rational part of kibum says that this is probably a bad idea. he chooses not to listen; as per usual. kibum’s never really had a choice when it comes to jonghyun.

“okay.” kibum replies. “let me get up first.”

it’s code, almost. jonghyun half-rolls and half-stands and staggers to his feet. kibum manages the same, a little more gracefully slipping out from under the covers, where as kibum’s half dressed in old jeans, jonghyun’s still in his pyjama’s; boxer shorts and a shirt too big for his smallish frame. jonghyun’s far more manly-looking then kibum, but he’s impossibly boyish like this, in the darkness of their dorm with kibum straining to sit up as jonghyun rubs at his eyes and yawns.

he’s cute. the thought is soft and calming and unexpectedly welcome.

“find me a clean shirt.” kibum whispers softly, burying a yawn into a stray pillow and kicking his legs off the edge of the bed and brushing his toes against the hardwood lino of the floor. it’s cold; he needs a pair of socks. and a jacket, at least. he pulls on a pair of jeans in the dark.

jonghyun obliges easily, smoothly rummaging around in a spare wardrobe rack by the window. it’s blocking some of the light from the glass, but even with the interruption it’s easy to see the electricity of seoul so early in the morning.

jonghyun finds kibum one of his favourite shirts, and he pulls it on with a tired huff. it smells like laundry soap and home and he wants to lie down and feel this lethargic for the rest of his life. he’s too sore to even want to move off of the bed, but jonghyun looks like he could run a marathon at this point. it’s unsettling, but also commendable. kibum doesn’t know how to feel; he doesn’t have the same sleeping problems as jonghyun. he wonders what it must be like to be unable to turn your thoughts off while you’re trying to sleep. he wouldn’t know; it sounds awful enough.

“you’re so cute when you’re tired.” jonghyun tells him, cutting off his thoughts and beaming.

“shut up.” he replies, teasing. “get your shoes and a jacket. it’s really cold.” kibum chastises. he’s glad it’s pitch black in the dorm today; jonghyun can’t see his blush, or his smile.

he can see jonghyun’s though, the older boy is still grinning from one side of his face to the other and he hates how endearing it is. when jonghyun reaches down to grab at a hoodie, kibum saunters to his feet and gravitates toward the older boy, yawning loudly.

he presses his face into jonghyun’s shoulder before he finds his own too feet and stands without needed help.

“hi.” jonghyun whispers, pulling the hoodie over his head. it’s minho’s - so it’s far too big for jonghyun’s frame. it would be even bigger on kibum. jonghyun tests it by waving his arms about slightly, arms too short for the sleeves. sweater paws, kibum thinks, and noses further into jonghyun’s shoulder for a moment.

“hey.” kibum whispers back, swaying on his feet to collide with jonghyun softly. the other boy puts an arm around him while kibum wakes, slowly but surely getting used to burying the feeling of exhaustion. the hand on his waist is nothing but comforting; the familiar touch of somebody that kibum’s head over heels for.

jonghyun plays with the hem of his jeans slightly, loosely brushing against his skin and kibum can’t help but shiver and shudder under the touch. he plays it off as a yawn, a final sign of pushing sleep behind him.

“i’ll drive.” kibum relents. he pauses where he stands. “manager hyung is literally going to murder us.”

jonghyun hums in what must be agreement, not that he’d be allowed to disagree; usually they’re just fetching ramyum from a corner store or walking under the stars, far away enough that jonghyun can collect what’s left of his scattered thoughts underneath the sky.

“do you have your shoes?” kibum queries finally, ducking out of the dorm room and quietly making his way to the small basket on the counter top wherein he keeps his keys and wallet. he takes his key to the dorm and manager-hyung’s key to the car parked just outside.

jonghyun looks around blankly for a moment when kibum turns around. he bites his lip and touches the older boy on the elbow fondly as he passes. it keeps them connected as kibum shows jonghyun where he left his shoes last, just in front of the coatrack.

“oh. thanks.” jonghyun whispers, tiredly closing his eyes and pressing his forehead into the wall briefly; it’s stupid and endearing and kibum wants to melt. he stays there for a second before he leans down and picks the shoes up. he’s still cute when he’s sleepy, kibum thinks for a moment. he pushes his conscious away and grabs two jackets from the rack above jonghyun. one of them is his; he thinks. it’s hard to see and he’s certainly not letting himself get caught by turning the light on.

“here. it’s cold.” kibum repeats, as jonghyun stands from toeing on his nikes. he slips a jacket around the older boys broad shoulders, fingers ghosting over the warmth there. jonghyun’s skin is smooth and warm and kibum wants to lie down with those arms around him and never move. he yawns instead.

instead of another thankyou, jonghyun hums again and exhales. kibum gets it. he pulls his own jacket over his arms and buries his fingers in the pockets.

“your shoes.” jonghyun whispers back, setting down kibum’s own pair. it’s so hard to see in the dark, kibum buries a giggle as he leans against jonghyun for leverage, but the other boy snakes his arm around kibum’s waist and keeps him there, steady and even. kibum toes on his shows and jonghyun leans with him.

“all ready?”

“ready.” jonghyun confirms softly. kibum leans into his side for another brief moment. this is a bad idea, he thinks, but jonghyun is full of bad ideas and kibum loves them all. he loves jonghyun.

“can’t wait to freeze to death,” he bites out, between his teeth as his fingers curl around the door handle. jonghyun giggles into his hand and the sound is loud enough to wake somebody.

“we better go.” kibum whispers then, instinctively reaching out behind him in the dark. jonghyun’s arm is easy to find. his fingers slip down jonghyun’s sleeve until they curl around his wrist and tug, pulling the other boy with him; out into the big wide world.

it’s simple from then on. jonghyun squeezes kibum’s fingers briefly before they keep moving, the contact keeping them both grounded. jackets pulled tight and hoods slung over heads. it’s too dark to need sunglasses, too early in the morning for that kind of precaution. there’s a pair in kibum’s inside pocket just in case.

as soon as he slips outside, jonghyun’s fingers messy against his, kibum comes to terms with just how cold it really is. he shivers, immediately recoiling at the chill as it hits his neck. seoul is so brutal. kibum hates winter. he hates winter, hates the wind and hates the snow and if it starts to rain he might scream.

kibum does none of those things. jonghyun’s fingers tense around his own, as if he can feel the cold on kibum’s skin all the way up his neck.

“cold?” he asks. his voice is nearly carried away by the wind. kibum hums, but it comes out sullen and hoarse and jonghyun tugs them closer. he’s so warm. the car is five or so steps away from them, parked on the side of the myeong-do street. all five steps, kibum takes tucked into jonghyun’s side. he should have worn a sweater too. he fumbles for the key in his pocket and waits for the kia to beep assent.

“hop in,” kibum says, opening the car door. jonghyun unlaces their fingers to slide inside the car. kibum shuffles around and pushes himself into the front seat. to the beach, he thinks. we’re going to the beach. jonghyun rubs his hands together, trying to stave off the cold. kibum spares him the briefest of glances before he starts the car and the sweeping dreamscape of seoul unfolds like an eagle beneath them both.

“the beach.” jonghyun murmurs. he sounds hopeful.

“the beach.” kibum confirms. he doesn’t know how sounds. how he thinks, or how he feels. he drives with one hand on the steering wheel and jonghyun tangles his fingers in the other.

 

**/**

 

eurwangni beach is only an hour or two away from their dorm building; usually more, but seoul’s traffic significantly deteriorates as soon as it hits middle of the night hours. jonghyun plays around with the radio for a while, until he contents himself with silence and presses his forehead into the glass and watches the city fly by as kibum watches him.

“you’re alright?” kibum doesn’t know if it’s quite a question or not. it just is. it sits between them for a bit, empty words hanging inside the company kia and nothing but the sweeping sounds of seoul pushed around outside the car.

“tired.” jonghyun says. his eyes follow the stars as they go. kibum tries to keep his eyes trained on the road. nearly there. he can almost hear the waves as they crash down, churning against the sand. kibum almost shivers.

“we should be asleep.” he tries to reason. jonghyun refuses to be taken care of and it’s beginning to get infuriating. more silence. it’s less comfortable then before, but kibum finds it hard to imagine himself in an uncomfortable situation with jonghyun.

“it’s not that kind of tired kibummie.” he smiles against the class and kibum lets himself breathe.

oh. he doesn’t press. jonghyun makes him worry endlessly - he works himself too hard, until there’s no jonghyun left, and kibum is lifting up a fatigued hyung from the practise room and fixing a smile at their manager. “he’s just very tired. we worked hard.”

he wants to take jonghyun home and cook him dukbokki or just force him to lie down and get some goddamn rest, but it’s too late to turn back now. the green sign that hangs overhead reads clear, crisp hangul, even in the dark. they’re nearly there. kibum can see the ocean. jonghyun is still watching the stars.

when he parks the car just outside of the cliffside; a few fishing boats swaying quietly around the bay, jonghyun’s eyes lift from the sky and move to the ocean. waves crash, kibum sighs.

“we’re here jonghyunnie. the beach.”

jonghyun’s like a puppy when he sticks his head up, instantly excited. kibum opens the door and prepares for the cold. he’s more used to the biting chill of winter now, but the coastal breeze goes right to his skin and he shivers instantly.

he turns, then, to jonghyun, but the older boy is already running. kicked his shoes off, running down the stairs to the sand. kibum gapes for a moment.

“come on!” jonghyun yells against the wind. he sounds so happy. kibum inside’s churn, for a second, before he kicks his own shoes off, attempting to keep them somewhat close to the car. then he runs.

it feels good to run. like he’s a kid again. the air is fresh and salty and his lungs heave to take it all in. retaliation against sand, it’s so fucking cold but jonghyun’s dissappearing against the shore like a dot and kibum might just loose him if he doesn’t catch up.

“you’re too energetic,” he whines, once he can slow down. jonghyun chases the waves as they go, only small waves that brush against the shore. jonghyun reaches out a hand and kibum gravitates toward it like a planet caught in his orbit.

jonghyun giggles when the water reaches his toes, and kibum pulls him away from it with their joined fingers. “you’re going to freeze to death.” he yelps. jonghyun tilts his head back and laughs, big and loud.

when he reaches down, kibum doesn’t know why, but with one hand, jonghyun swipes at the water, sweeping it up to splash at kibum. their hands are still joined when kibum squeals.

“it’s so cold!” he yells in retaliation. the saltwater runs down his hair and across his face. he can almost feel himself start to go blue. jonghyun laughs as kibum laughs, and almost instantly launches away as kibum kicks water back at him. laughing and splashing and yelling about the cold.

water runs halfway up kibum’s jeans, soaking through. his legs are so cold they’re practically numb, but adrenaline is fierce, coursing through his skin evenly.

he catches up to jonghyun at some point, taking a break from giggling and laughing and messing around, winding both hands around his neck and tugging him closer for a kiss. they’ve shared more then many but this feels like the first.

he doesn’t understand how jonghyun is still so warm; but he is, pressed up against kibum standing in the shore with waves beating softly against their bare feet, jonghyun’s lips are the warmest thing kibum’s felt in his life. jonghyun’s hands settle on his skin and he wants to stay like this forever.

 

**/**

 

“do you think you’d still love me if we didn’t debut together?” jonghyun asks. he sounds distant. kibum thinks that in any universe, he falls in love with jonghyun because jonghyun is jonghyun and kibum is kibum and that’s the way things are. that’s the way they will always be.

“i love you now.” he says instead. jonghyun kisses his fingers and kibum presses his face into jonghyun’s shoulder. he’s warm. the ocean shifts, as if it’s uncomfortable. more waves crash. the sound is almost grounding, like the way jonghyun squeezes his fingers occasionally, or the way his voice grates over kibum’s ears. it makes him think of home, and happy, and the way things should be.

jonghyun is worrying about too many things at once and kibum thinks he shouldn’t ever have to worry about anything.

“you think so loud.” jonghyun says. kibum squirms beside him.

“you snore too loud.” he replies.

“you laugh too loud.” jonghyun says.

“well…you suck.” kibum snaps, final. jonghyun laughs, and the wind carries it toward the ocean.

“it’s so cold,” kibum complains then. jonghyun wraps his arms a little tighter around the younger man and shuffles, his head resting on kibum’s shoulder.

in a few minutes the sun will rise. in a few hours they’ll have to go home with sandy shoes and wet jeans and explain just why manager-hyung’s car smells like salt and sand and dreams tangled away and tucked underneath a life they both have to live.

but that’s later. right now is right now. kibum melts into jonghyun’s touch, leaning against the bonnet of the car with the sky slowly unfurling in front of them.

in a few minutes the sun will rise.

kibum rubs his thumb in slow circles against jonghyun’s skin and begins to count the seconds.

**Author's Note:**

> • so school starts up again tomorrow n i wanna die   
>  • i love jongkey   
>  • thats p much it i lov u


End file.
